I've pondered why. I think it is in large part because my life seems to be constant. There doesn't seem to be much different from month to month or year to year, let alone day to day. Whenever people ask me what is new in my life, I've got nothing. I work, I do church stuff, I spend time with my family. The same, always. I don't have a new husband, or even a new boyfriend. I don't have kids that are constantly changing and growing. I really think my trial right now in life is that life is the same. I've been in singles wards for WAY too long. I've been serving in a Relief Society Presidency either as a counselor or a president since 2005 (minus a few months in there that I was a ward missionary). I've been at the same job for 2 1/2 years. Life is constant. And, that is hard for me. Some people like that, and in some ways I do like it. But, I crave change. I need a new challenge, I need to grow in a different way. For that, I'm actually really excited to turn 31 in a few months. At least then I'll get new opportunities in a family ward.
But, it also scares me. Where in the world am I going to find someone to marry once I leave the singles ward? I mean, I haven't even been able to find one here. Sigh. Through it all, one this is sure: God loves me. He knows me. I trust Him. He has never let me down before. In fact, life really is good.
Which brings me to my point. Gratitude. Sometimes I fail to be as grateful as I should be. It's easy to see how I'd like my life to be different, but in reality, my life is beautiful in its own way, and it always has been.
In sacrament meeting today, a lady stood up to bear her testimony. She was just visiting because she had a friend that is not a member of our church that wanted to come to church, so she brought her to the singles ward. This woman, herself, is married and has 4 children. She said she wanted to bear her testimony because she was so impressed by the testimonies that had been shared. It was obvious to her that everyone had a strong personal relationship to the Savior. That got me thinking. I think we are all so close to the Savior because we are single. Not that I don't think married people, and especially parents aren't close to the Savior. But, as singles, we often only have the Savior. We have family and friends, but there is something missing when you're single. You don't have a spouse to talk to about things, so we turn to the Lord. At least that's my experience. I think I am closer to the Savior because I've been single for so long. That's what I needed in my life. I know the Lord knows what's going on and what we each need, and I needed to be single for longer because I needed to develop a deeper relationship with him. I'm sure other people find that elsewhere, but I needed my singlehood to do that. So, I am grateful for that woman who shared her testimony with us today.
So, for the month of November, I am setting a goal to write down something I am thankful for for each day of the month. I know this isn't something new. I also know that I will not do it every day. So, I've decided to type it all up on Sunday nights for the previous week. Things won't be in order and some may seem silly, but I need this right now. So, let's begin:
I am thankful for:
- My Savior. I love Him. I am so grateful for Him and all that He has done for me in my life. He is with me everyday. I am grateful to feel him in my life. I am especially grateful for the Atonement so that I can be forgiven of so many failures.
- My family. A lot of people love their families, but I love mine the most. :) My family is amazing. I know we were meant to be together. I learn so much from them, and continue to do so. I'm so grateful that they are so patient with me. I become a better person with each passing year with their help.
- My job. I seriously am so grateful that I have work, and that it is a good job. I have awesome co-workers. We do amazing work together. Especially in this economy where it is so hard to find employment, I am grateful for my job.
- My membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know the church is true. It brings me peace and joy and happiness. It gives me direction and support and purpose. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father to giving us an organized Church to help us in this life.
- Rain. Even though it has been FREEZING the last few days, I am so grateful for the rain. I love the way it cleans and renews everything. In California, this is the green time of year. It NEVER rains during the summer. Ever. So, this is the time of year we get all our moisture. I am so grateful for it.
- My calling. Even though I look forward to having new opportunities, I really do LOVE my calling. I have seen so much growth in myself during these years. I am so grateful that the Lord has given me this opportunity and responsibility. I hope I am a help to someone.
What are you grateful for?